you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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