Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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