So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
