She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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