dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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