Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
