Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
