I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
