fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
