I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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