i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
