I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
