Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
