Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
