I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize