the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he fucked my hip out of place.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
