I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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