I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
