can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
