I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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