Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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