It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
