No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need water and some morals
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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