Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
