I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize