all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am midnight drunk by noon
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
