Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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