maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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