Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
