there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
