He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
