Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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