$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Porn is love you can see.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
