Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
