I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
