I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
