dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
