Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
