i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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