i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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