well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
