Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
