just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
