so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
