I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
