Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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