Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
