i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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