I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Welp...herpes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
