i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
