3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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