I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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