i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
