When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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