Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
