I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
