a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
