thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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