Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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