did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
