girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
