so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
