I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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