Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
