Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
