I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
