When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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