Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
