Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
