hotel room ftw
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
