My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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