Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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