naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
