All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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