When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
