so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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