I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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