plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
