i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
