Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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