Say something about gay babies.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
