Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
