Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
