I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize