if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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