I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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