You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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