I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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