I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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