Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
