she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
